Part of it is probably about people finding their courage
Yeah, so how do you find your courage
well here’s what I would recommend, so I would write down I would take a piece of paper divide it into two sides left and right I’ve actually never said this out loud before so thank you for the question on the left side write down all your fears about the bad stuff that’s going to happen if you were to be more truthful in the conversation with your client with your boss with your colleague no matter
That’s the left column and the right column. Write down all the bad stuff that is already happening because you’re not having the conversation
and write down all the bad stuff that you predict would happen by avoiding the conversation and bad stuff for other people for yourself.
for the business and just look at it, and because you know there in some ways there’s a there’s a risk analysis you need to do right, so I think what people will discover is is the cost of having the conversation is far exceeded by the cost of avoiding it
If you have that realization, then I think it one You’ be able to find your courage, okay, the second thing I would do is I would look at that left column and ask yourself, is it really true for each one of those bullet points
some of those things will be I mean fear is a powerful Ally so don’t like wave it off like oh there’s nothing to be worried about there is something to be worried about I’m not saying there isn’t right a lot of people make it like there isn’t you just need to be more courageous and get over your fears no that’s not true you know we have this fear detection we have this detection system and then fear is the consequence of it it’s with us for a reason I mean for God’s sakes our genes are here because we didn’t do stupid things
because we had an anxiety response to something which made us avoid things that could have killed us right, I mean, historically right,t so so so we have well-developed threat detection centers right, so they’re they’re meant to be respected but not to be governed by that’s the difference, right.
so look at some of those things go which of these things are like legitimate risks and which of these things are just a story because some of those things may not be as true as you make them so that’s the second thing and then the third thing is so how do you express yourself in a in a way that is both truthful and minimizes other people being defensive or upset with you that’s the key so that’s a skill
I’ll give a routine three-step man share your point ,step one share your point of view, step two explain to people how you came to that point of view, and then step three ask them what they think about your point of view
Okay so this is a simple routine, it’s anything but easy.
