We should define the term first. What do we actually mean by candor? Because there will be a lot of assumptions about what we mean when we talk about it, because candor does not equal honesty. Honesty is a portion of it. So it’s not just saying whatever you think and feel. A large UK bank, the managing director of talent said to me, We created a leadership principle called something like straight talk. And all the sociopaths came out of the woodwork saying everything they thought and felt. I was like, That’s fantastic. Because candor without the right intention, without the intention to truly understand the truth and do good, it can end up being cruel. On the other hand, it’s not only about saying what you think and feel, because no one has an exclusive access to the truth of things. So the way I think about candor, and it was actually defined for me by a pharmaceutical executive because he explained to me what I’m doing, which was very embarrassing and inspiring at the same time. He was like, and I can’t do the British accent because it was a guy in the UK Okay. He says, fundamentally, I always see these conversations as something I have to win and not lose.
And now I realize these conversations, I need to treat every single one of them as a collaborative search for the truth in order to make things better. That really hit me, Steve. The question is, why reframing these conversations as neither things to avoid because there’s some conflict that you’re worried about, nor something to compete within, to have your view of things and what you want to happen to win the day? Why is seeing these important conversations that you have with your clients, your customers, the people that you’re coaching, the people on your team, your colleagues, your boss, whomever it might be, why is seeing them as a collaborative search for the truth in order to make things better going to make your life better? Now, part of it is authenticity, right? Express the truth of what you think. That’s still an important piece of it. But again, it’s not just to emote, it’s not just to vent, it’s not just to be real. You’re expressing the truth of what you think in order to figure out with other people what actually might be true, which may not be exactly what you think to be true.
Okay. Well, one, when you look at all the psychological literature, every measure of psychological well-being the clinicians care about is either caused by or significantly correlated to the ability of people to express themselves authentically, number one. So if you care about your well-being, you listen for the truth and you speak the truth as you see it. Because we all know what happens to us when we don’t do it. Unless you become deeply repressed, these things that you sidestep will haunt you and will bother you. And they will be this noise that’s always in the background that’s cannibalizing your energy because it’s something that’s bugged you for a reason and that you haven’t dressed it. You’ve danced around it, you’ve made it okay, whatever it is. I’m talking about in work and outside of work.
