First of all, we have to have a definition of what candor is
right and again I’ll just re-anchor us all, it’s about treating every important conversation as a collaborative search for the truth in order to make things better, right?
So that means you’ve got to express the truth of what you think, but you also have to be equally interested in helping other people express the truth of what they think, particularly when they disagree with you
because you’re more committed to figure out what’s true than being right yeah or to keeping things comfortable so if that’s the North star say um then what gets in the way of people doing that well you know I think we’re we actually listen if we’re not feeling threatened if we don’t feel there’s any potential for embarrassment in these conversations and we’re pretty comfortable we do that reasonably well
You know, people who like you have a really great relationship with you’ve got deep trust with you could talk to them about anything, you know, and you’re willing to challenge their thinking, and you’re willing to be challenged by them and and you could kind of go there no problem, right?
I mean, I imagine you have that experience with people that you love or are really close with, old friends from school
like 100%
talking about anything that’s that’s wonderful we all look for that I mean those are the best relationships in our lives you know and everything else is a distant forth you know so um but what happens to people anytime we’re talking about things that we care about it matters for some reason um it turns out that an overprotective program kicks in that blocks us from being candid in ways that are effective.
