I’ve worked with a lot of people, and my team has as well—you know, people that have gotten the feedback they’re “too aggressive.”, right?
And it almost seems invariably those people way over-correct, and then they never share the truth of what they think, because they’ve been beaten up by HR, or somebody else.
So, the feedback they’re getting is… Oftentimes, they’re getting the feedback that they’re “too direct and honest.” That’s sometimes the feedback. I think that feedback is often actually an incorrect diagnosis of the problem.
It’s not that they’re being too direct. They may be, but it’s not that they’re being too direct with their view of reality. It’s that they’re being too directive. And there’s a difference between being direct and being directive.
What I mean by that is, they move too quickly to get people to adopt their solutions before people agree there’s a problem that requires a solution.
So, for example, let’s say you’re a financial adviser. You’ve got this great investment strategy, and you’re pushing that too soon. But your client—there’s no alignment between you and them on what their fundamental problem or opportunity is. You’ve moved too quickly to push your solution on them. How are they going to react?
I mean, not well, in some fashion.
Right—“Whoa, whoa, let’s get to know each other,” or “Whoa, buy me a few drinks first, for God’s sake!” You know? Or they may just lip-service you, and you feel like you’ve made progress, but you’re delusional—because they’re just covering up. Either way, it’s bad news for you.
So this is part of the problem: if you jump to action too quickly, before you have agreement on the problem or opportunity, and then push your solution as if it will solve for that, you’ll often get the feedback that you’re too aggressive, you’re too pushy, yada yada.
So the thing to avoid is jumping to action too soon.
It doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it. It doesn’t mean you can’t share your view directly on what the problem, opportunity, or issue is. This is the confusing feedback people receive: they think being told they’re “too direct” means they can’t be candid about what they see.
So still, that three-step routine can be handy:
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“Here’s what I think.”
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“Here’s why I think it.”
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“But I want to hear your take on it.”
If you do it in the spirit of genuine curiosity, then you can get away with sharing your view without it coming across as too aggressive.
